Which NFL jerseys are the most and least porn-y?
It’s the holidays and you have a new pair of sneakers.
You check your phone, and your mom is already at the office.
The holidays are coming, and you’re trying to make the most of the opportunity.
You get to the mall, and she is already in the store.
Your mom, in her office.
Your dad, standing outside your dad’s house.
You know your mom and dad will be back soon.
You walk into the store, and they’re gone.
You walk inside, and there’s nothing.
Your parents are gone.
Your mom is a little confused.
You think you know what’s going on.
But you’re wrong.
Your father is at work.
You go up to him and say, “Dad, what are you doing?”
Your dad is the only one who knows.
He has a new Nike Air Max 1 Air Max.
He doesn’t want to talk about it, but he’s not looking at your mom.
He’s looking at his phone.
He says, “How many times do I have to say that?”
And you’re like, “Mom, you should just leave us alone!”
He says, and it was like, you know, I think we both know what we’re doing.
You’re just saying, “I’ll call you later.”
Your dad says, okay, you’re in my house.
He picks up his phone and puts it in his pocket.
He hangs up and walks into the house.
You say, I don’t know, he’s going to call me later.
Your dad’s on his phone now.
He calls your mom, and he says, you have to let me know what you’re doing with your phone.
You don’t want this.
You can’t even text.
You want to tell your dad about this, but you don’t.
Your phone is still there.
You look at it and you know that you need to get it out of there.
And your mom comes into the room and says, hey, you can go to your bedroom and pick it up.
You grab your phone from your dad and go to the bedroom.
Your room is dark.
Your eyes are locked to your phone screen.
You start to panic.
You can hear your mom’s voice on the phone, but it’s not as scary.
You just feel helpless.
You take your phone and start to take photos.
You take pictures of yourself, and then you look at the pictures and you can see the pictures are very dark.
Your eyes are wide open.
You are afraid to open them.
Your ears are ringing.
You get to your room and you lock the door.
You pick up your phone again and look at your phone but it says, this is not working.
You feel helpless and alone.
Your mother is in the room.
You sit down on the bed and she tells you to put your phone back in your pocket.
She puts the phone on the floor and puts your phone down.
She says, I’ll call me when you’re ready.
You say, okay.
You sit down in front of the TV and you watch some TV.
It’s your favorite shows.
You watch the show and it’s amazing.
You open your phone up and you look up at the clock.
It says, 12:01 p.m.
Your ears start ringing.
Your hands are shaking.
You hear the TV show.
You turn to the TV, and the first thing you see is a naked man in a white suit.
You’re not sure what to think, so you start to look around the room to see what else is happening.
You see your mom standing in the corner.
She is wearing nothing.
You see your dad sitting in the chair.
You wonder if he’s watching the show.
You feel helpless, so the first thought that pops into your mind is that your dad is watching the program and he’s probably wondering what’s up with your mom being naked.
You decide to get out of the room because you feel like it’s your responsibility to make sure she’s okay.
You pull out your phone to go to a different place.
You have to go back to your house.
The other two bedrooms are dark.
You have to leave your dad there.
You go back in, and as soon as you step outside your door, you hear your dad coming down the hall.
You lock the front door and go inside.
You put your dad on the couch and sit down next to him.
Your mother is still in the house, sitting on the chair next to you.
You open your front door, and a man is standing there.
He grabs your phone out of your hand and says what you need.
You tell him what you have and he hands it back to you and he leaves.
You are confused.
What is he doing?
He didn’t even ask for your phone!
You say to yourself, he should have asked if you were ok.